Hello I don’t know if you give advice but I was wondering if you could help me. My boyfriend and I are 15 years apart and I just recently said that we could have an open relationship as long as I know about it. He hasn’t told me anything since then but I found some stuff that he has been doing it behind my back. How should I bring up and what should I do? I am just mad at the fact he didn’t tell me. Not that he is doing it.

Thank you, of course I always welcome comments or questions here.  I am here writing for your pleasure.  I am sorry that your boyfriend has not been honest with you.  There are many questions I would have to discuss with you but with this being anon (understandably so) I will just presume certain things and respond to my best ability for you.

This is my personal opinion but if a relationship is not based on open and honest communication and trust it will fail.  For you to offer a flexible relationship with honesty being the only boundary, then he cheats?   I fear he is not committed to you as completely as you are to him.  When trust is damaged it can be forgiven with the right apology and resolution but is it ever really forgotten?  It will always be in your mind and heart.  For this I am very sorry.

I presume there is physical evidence of this hidden lover no possible chance of misunderstanding?   I don’t know your living arrangement (together or separate) but I would make him a nice meal and lay out the item(s) in the middle of the table only after he sits down.   Then sit down quietly.  Don’t say a word…just keep eye contact.  Let the sweat build on his brow and his stomach turn while you take a drink of wine.  Let him talk…flounder and swear his forgiveness.  Stay silent at least 5 minutes more that your body tells you to.  Trust me the silence is powerful.  Then make a decision if your love for him is so deep that you can settle with feeling the lack of trust forever.   You deserve better especially giving him the gift of your love and freedom to satisfy desires in such a way to be treated this way.  

We can talk in more detail if you choose to message me privately here but I would find it very difficult personally to stay in a relationship like this.  I wish you all the luck, strength, and love you need to deal with this situation.  I am here for you anytime you need me to be.